Julia Haygreen
Counsellor, Psychotherapist, Supervisor
BACP Senior Accredited
14 years experience
I provide professional support for:
anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, bereavement,
relationship conflict, low confidence and self-esteem,
family dynamics, burnout, career and corporate pressures,
anger management, health anxiety, ADHD, autism,
personal identity and life direction issues,
among others.
Contact me now
I can help you
Welcome
CCounselling, Psychotherapy and Supervision
Surrey, London, UK and Europe
Relational, integrative, person-centred and psychodynamic counselling and psychotherapy, with CBT tools and techniques
Counselling and Psychotherapy
You have taken a courageous first step reaching out for support. We all need help through life, especially during difficult or challenging times. By starting the process of talking to clarify your thoughts and feelings and address the issues, you can start making positive changes, feeling better and living the life you deserve.
As a trained and experienced professional with a passion for helping people, I have a proven track record of achieving results. We can address your challenges and opportunities together. We will create a relationship based on trust, warmth and acceptance which helps you process difficult life experiences, move forward, and lead a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life.
People from all walks of life and backgrounds benefit from receiving guidance and support, gaining tools and techniques to create healing, positive change and personal growth. With over 14 years of professional, hands-on experience, I bring a wealth of mental health expertise to our sessions with a gently encouraging approach.
Would you like to...
- Feel less low and anxious, recover from depression and feel lighter?
- Address low confidence and low self esteem and feel better about yourself?
- Heal from grief, bereavement, loss or a break-up and find ways to move forward?
- Manage anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment and feel unburdened by negative emotions?
- Process a traumatic event and start to recover?
- Reduce work-related stress and feel more in control?
- Address Autism, ADHD, identity issues and understand yourself better?
- Manage difficult family situations and relationships and learn how to set boundaries?
- Leave a controlling, abusive or unhappy relationship and feel safe?
- Manage panic attacks and social anxiety and feel more confident?
- Address chronic illness, addiction, sleep issues and learn ways to self-regulate?
- Understand how the past affects your life today and stop wondering 'why?'
- Consider your options and make a big decision, feeling more empowered?
- Find more meaning and contentment in life and feel hopeful about the future?
What I offer - a fully confidential, personalized counselling service that is supportive and effective and addresses a wide range of personal, emotional, family, and workplace-related issues.
What you will receive - in counselling with me, you can express what’s troubling you and effectively process the emotions tied to your experiences. I will encourage you to discover your goals and make real, lasting positive changes. I also provide practical, lifelong tools that you can use moving forward, empowering you to regain control over your life and equipping you with the skills you need to thrive.
Autism and ADHD - I am trained and experienced working with Autism and ADHD, with awareness and understanding of signs and symptoms and the need for support and strategies to manage a diagnosis or considered diagnosis. I also support people living with or supporting someone with a diagnosis or who is considering a diagnosis and is struggling or new to finding out what Autism and ADHD are all about and if it could be something they can relate to.
Experience - I have a background in business followed by14 years experience as a counsellor, psychotherapist and counselling supervisor. This enables me to grasp the unique demands and dynamics present in diverse workplace environments. As a fully qualified BACP Senior Accredited Counsellor and Psychotherapist, I am committed to upholding the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy's code of ethics, ensuring that I deliver professional support of the highest standard with a warm and friendly approach.
Meeting online - I work online in live sessions which is an excellent way to receive professional and confidential support. Online we see and interact with each other in real time (Zoom, MS Teams, WhatsApp video, Facetime). I have provided online counselling for many years, helping many people navigate difficult experiences and emotions, with excellent outcomes. Meeting online allows you to access support from the comfort of wherever you are, without travelling time and costs. All you need is an internet connection and a quiet, secure space, whether it's at home, your workplace, or even abroad while on holiday or business. I offer an initial telephone or online introduction (20-minutes, free or charge) before meeting regularly.
Contact me now.
I can help you.
Working With Me
Do you ever feel surrounded by people yet have no one to talk to because you don't want to burden them? I’m here to offer you the time and space to discuss whatever is on your mind.
I can help you in build resilience, achieve personal growth and gain a sense of control and choice as you move forward. Together, we will identify your goals and regularly review our progress to ensure it aligns with your needs and expectations.
In my work with people from diverse backgrounds and life experiences, I consistently witness tangible, life-changing moments. I offer a variety of counseling approaches to provide the support that best suits your individual needs.
While it can be daunting to open up for the first time, you might find relief in expressing what’s been weighing you down. Unresolved problems can cause even greater distress and hold you back from fully living your life, affecting the decisions you make, the relationships you are in and even having harmfully affecting your health. Could now be time to make a change?
We will work at a pace that feels safe and comfortable for you. I will also provide gentle challenges and prompts when needed, offering observations and reflections to help you make connections, gain insights, and experience those ‘lightbulb’ moments. This approach can deepen your self-understanding, enhance your relationship with yourself, and have a beneficial impact on many other aspects of your life.
Personal counselling is about confronting your fears and feelings, coming to terms with difficult life events, and working through them so they can be placed in the past where they belong. This allows them to become a reference point in your life’s history, enabling new chapters to unfold. The counselling relationship provides the safe, non-judgemental, supportive space in which to do this. Counselling involves taking the courageous step to face what’s causing discomfort and beginning to transform it - turning frustration into fun, hopelessness into joy, dissatisfaction into motivation, and stagnation into activity. At its core, counselling is about change - positive, empowering, growth-enhancing change that is within your control and helps you move confidently toward the life, relationships, job, or future you desire.
If what you have read here resonates with you, please contact me to discuss how I can help.
Counselling can help support you to make the changes that will help you lead a more contented and fulfilled life. Read more about my approach to Counselling and how I can help you.
This can help with deep-rooted issues that impact your relationship with yourself and others. Read more about my approach to Psychotherapy and how I can help you.
Read more about my Clinical Supervision services online via Zoom, WhatsApp or Facetime. learn more here.
I can help you...
I have experience working with the following issues, among others;
Trauma
PTSD
Stress and Burnout
Anxiety
Relationships
Menopause
Anger management
Panic Attacks
Depression
Personal identity, purpose, principles and goals
Feeling lost, overwhelmed or stuck
Confidence and low self-esteem
Loss of home, job, status, finances, friendships
Career and Corporate pressures
Suicide attempts / suicidal thoughts
Self-harm
Parenting
Family dynamics
Health anxiety, short-term health conditions, injury
Workplace stress
Perfectionism
Bereavement
Communication issues
Feeling isolated or disconnected
People-pleasing
Co-dependency
Addictions - alcohol, sex, porn, narcotics, weed
ADHD and Autism
Long term illness including Cancer, Fibromyalgia, MS, Long-covid
This list is not exhaustive, please contact me to see how I can help you.
Frequently asked questions
Counselling is for anyone who's going through a bad time or has emotional problems they need help with. For many adults it may be the same or more effective than medicine or work well alongside any medication that your
GP or psychiatrist has prescribed. Counselling aims to help you deal with and overcome issues that are causing emotional pain or making you feel uncomfortable. Counselling gives you a safe and regular space for you to talk and explore difficult feelings. In counselling you should feel supported and that your views are respected.
A counsellor won't usually give advice but will help you find your own insights into and understanding of your problems. This is important because no-one knows better than you do what it feels like on the inside being you. A
counsellor will really try to get to know you and to be alongside you and your experiences so that you can feel less alone and that there is a guiding and supportive hand alongside you.
Reaching insights and realisations and making decisions becomes empowering. Counselling can help you reach a more confident place within yourself so that you feel in control of your life and can make empowered, informed choices about any next steps. If you are facing a problem or difficulty in your life or want to understand yourself better or want to improve your overall sense of well-being and contentment with who you are, counselling can help. In a recent study by the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), over half the people in the UK have had or know someone who has accessed therapy to help them with difficulties at some point in their life. More and more people are realising it is good to talk and get support when needed.
We are all human beings and sometimes life is tough. We all need to turn to someone and, well-meaning though friends and family may be, sometimes talking to a trained professional who isn’t part of your social circle can help you offload without worrying they will tell anyone. This can help you gain a different view of the situation and clearer thinking about what you need.
Counselling is also about having your feelings, views, emotions and experiences heard and acknowledged by another person who is there to focus on giving you the time and undivided attention you need. Validating your feelings, finding a narrative to express your feelings and having your experience witnessed by another human being who is willing to hear and understand what you have been through, can be a transformative and healing process. Ultimately, counselling is about change. This change can occur either externally in your situation and environment, if needed, or internally in terms of how you experience, express and tend to your internal emotional space.
The right therapist will help you to feel safe and not judged, heard and understood, so that you can find better ways to cope with your problems and improve your emotional wellbeing. Opening up to someone about intimate details of your life can feel daunting. It’s not always easy – but it can be life-changing. To go through this process, it’s essential that you find a therapist you can trust. Research shows that one of the most important aspects of psychotherapy is the relationship you form with your therapist. A strong relationship will help you to overcome the challenges you face in the present and to heal from painful events in the past.
Here’s some guidance on how to go about finding the right therapist for you.
Step one: Search for a counsellor who is fully trained and qualified, committed to good practice, ethical conduct, and continuous learning and development. Their membership of professional bodies will give you some
reassurance about this.
Consider; Do you want to see someone in your local area, near work or elsewhere?
Would you like to meet online, in-person or on the phone?
Would you prefer to see a man or woman?
Do you feel comfortable with the way the therapist describes themselves and their work and how they might be able to help?
Are you interested in a specific type of therapy?
Are you looking for therapy as an individual, or in a couple, a group, or family?
Are you looking for therapy for yourself as an adult, or on behalf of a child or young person?
Step two: Contact a therapist
When you’ve found a potential therapist, send them an email or give them a call. You could give a brief overview of your problem to find out whether the therapist is able to help you. Most therapists will be able to help with most issues, and will not be shocked or judge you. Ask the person you’re contacting if they have appointments at a time and place that suits you and how much they charge. It can be useful to give the therapist a call. The conversation will give you a sense of what they are like and whether you would feel comfortable working with them. You might not be able to reach the therapist straight away as they often use an answering machine when they are in client sessions. If you leave a message, they should return your call.
Step three: Try a first session
The first session is a chance to see how you feel being with a therapist and get a sense of how they work and if you might work well together. They will probably ask you to talk more about what brings you to therapy to help assess if they are the right person to help you. They might ask about: the history of the issue you want to work on
your childhood relationships with family, friends and partners what helps you to cope, if you’ve had therapy before and what was useful about it if you did. Remember, it’s your session and you are in control. You can ask questions to help you decide whether you want to work with the person.
These might include:
What type of therapy do you do?
What experience and training have you had in working with
the issue I am dealing with?
What can I expect to happen in our sessions?
How long do you think we’d work together?
What happens if I miss a session or am on holiday for one?
How do you think you could help me?
How will I know when my therapy is finished?
Step four: Assess how you feel
At the end of the first session, you might want to go away and think about whether you would like to work with the therapist. Alternatively, you could agree what happens next at the end of the session. Things to think about include:
Do you feel at ease with the therapist?
Do you think you could build a trusting relationship with them?
Would you feel comfortable telling them about intimate details of your life?
Do you feel safe with them?
Do you like their manner towards you?
Did they listen to you?
It’s completely okay to meet with a therapist and ask them a lot of questions and then decide not to work with them.
Many people don’t find the right therapist first time. If this happens to you, it is not your fault. You have already decided you would benefit from therapy, so it is worth trying again and booking an initial appointment with another therapist.
I would like to think that you would choose me as your counsellor because, on talking or meeting for the first time, you feel that I am someone you could trust. Trust is important because if we are going to work together, you need to feel safe enough to open up.
It feels important here to say something about the difference between trust, vulnerability and risk. Trust is about feeling safe, supported and in good hands. When you feel safe you can open up, which is about being honest, authentic and transparent. This honesty helps you understand yourself and builds self awareness and self-confidence. Research consistently shows that the quality of the therapeutic relationship between the client and counsellor is more predictive of counselling outcome than any other factor.
You may have heard people talk about vulnerability, or you may feel that opening up makes you vulnerable and that this could be risky. So, maybe you don’t quite fully open up, or you edit the truth, or you soften it to suit what other people want to hear. This keeps a part of you hidden, never fully acknowledged, hidden in the shadows as a secret wrapped in maybe guilt or shame. And no-one fully knows you, and you feel your relationships aren’t as real as you would like them to be and that you are alone, with no-one who really knows you, the whole you. And that can lead to all sorts of problems in life, relationships, work, family and a general sense that life isn’t as fun or
fulfilling as it could be.
The well-known American therapist Brene Brown says that “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness." Trusting me and opening up are about taking a courageous risk. The risk that goes to the core of the fear that many people have; ‘If I open up and make myself known, I risk not being liked. I could be rejected and that would be painful. I don’t want to feel that pain’.
It is true to say that we cannot be liked by everyone. But, as you consider why you should choose me as your counsellor, I am transparent in saying that our working relationship is a very different one to other relationships in your life. This is because other people will come with their own agendas, their own needs and opinions of what you should or shouldn’t do, and this includes the risk of rejection. My only agenda is to work in your best interests. To meet you with honesty, kindness and warmth, with the capacity to care about you and contain what you tell me, without judging or rejecting you. To like you and accept you, including the parts that you may find difficult to like and accept within yourself. We could call these your ‘shadow’. The parts of yourself that you may feel less proud of, you don’t want people to know about and you want them to stay hidden. Counselling isn’t about telling everyone about these parts. We all have them in some form or another, yet acknowledging them can help to reduce some shame attached to them and increase acceptance that they are part of you and make you human and whole. This can help you feel better about who you are, ready to accept, like and love yourself and more 'comfortable in your own skin'.
Counselling is about facing things… facing fears and feelings. It’s about coming to terms with difficult life events, working through them and being able to ‘file’ them where they belong, so they are a reference point in the history of your life and new chapters can open up ahead. Counselling is about taking a courageous step to face what is causing you discomfort, and begin to convert it. To create fun instead of frustration. Hope instead of hopelessness. Motivation instead of dissatisfied. Proactive instead of stuck. Counselling is about change. Positive change. Good change. Growth-enhancing change. Change that is within your choice and control and helps you feel empowered, positive and better able to face forward into the life/relationship/job/future that you want.
You know your needs and your situation. We can work together to address those needs. You have read and researched about counselling to help make a decision so you probably have a pretty good feel for things.
If what you have read here resonates with you and you feel I am the best option for you to get things moving forward, please contact me.
Counsellors may have received similar training on their route to qualification, but each therapist is an individual person and will have their own personal approach. I can tell you how I am different to other counsellors by answering this question in two ways – professionally and personally. The personal bit is to tell you what I believe, and the professional bit is to tell you how I put that into practice in the way I work. This shows that what I do is consistent with what I believe people need. Here are my five core beliefs;
First, I believe that people grow and develop best when we are connected to other people, in personal or professional relationships or through shared interests or experiences. This need for connection is part of our evolutionary, social make-up. This belief links me to the values of connection and collaboration. The way I work with this is through the important of the working alliance, the relationship between us that is the best predictor for a successful outcome in counselling. This means that when we work together we can achieve more than when we work in isolation, and when we are the right ‘fit’, you will get the most out of it. I offer empathy, non judgement and honesty to develop our relationship so that trust can build and we have a safe basis to work through the
issues you bring to counselling.
Second, I believe it is important to understand how we all relate to other people because this helps us realise the impact we have on them and the impact they have on us. This can be a catalyst for change and growth in our relationships. This links me to the value of relationships. The way I work with this is to see what the relationship between us tells us about how you relate to others in your life (how you respond/react/engage) and to look at where these patterns come from, including which ones work for you and which ones don’t. The reference points for this could be your intimate relationships, or with friends, family parents, siblings, colleagues or any other relationship you have had. I work with this by sharing with you how I may be feeling in response to what you are saying, is it my feeling or yours and where does it come from? For example, if I hear about a difficult experience you have had but there is no emotion attached to it, I would ask you about that and wonder where the feelings are hiding. Or there could be a lot of feelings coming out and we need to allow those to be expressed and also find ways to create emotional regulation and resilience.
Third, I believe that experiencing healthy, meaningful relationships allows us to heal from unhealthy historical relational patterns. This helps us find better ways of relating and gives us a better experience of living. This links me to the value of healing and the importance in reparative relationships. In practice, this means that I offer you a relational experience that is different from other, unhealthy, dysfunctional ones that have caused you harm or upset in the past. When you experience something different, fresh and robust, you can find ways to take this into other relationships to make them more fulfilling, genuine and equal. For example, you might tell me something you did that you don’t feel good about, and be surprised that instead of judging you - which you expected because that’s what others have done, or because you judge yourself - I can empathise with how difficult things must have been for you leading up to that, and ask what have you learned and how can you forgive yourself and move forward, because you need that too. This different relational experience can be healing and transformative.
Fourth, I believe that we need to experience real and genuine human contact and for our unique experience of living to be heard and understood. We need to be loved and accepted by others. This links me to the value of individual uniqueness. In counselling this means accepting you as you are, hearing your story from your point of view, valuing who you are as a person and creating a connection. This could feel like one of those moments when someone just ‘gets’ you, which is so important in life.
Fifth, I believe that self-reflection enables us to know and discover ourselves. Finding personal meaning in our experiences helps develop our self-awareness. This includes embracing the unknown about ourselves and accepting parts we are less comfortable with because they make us human and whole. This links me to the value of spirituality. For some people this may have a faith or religious element, for others it may be a feeling that they are part of something bigger out there, whether that is the universe, or nature, or simply an awareness that there is so much out there that we just don’t know.
The way this can present in counselling is by acknowledging your personal experience of existing in the world. You may feel this as a memory coming back to you that had been buried in your unconscious and now comes into conscious awareness so it can be looked at. Or a ‘lightbulb’ moment of realisation’, or the awareness that there is no-one else you can be in this world except yourself. Or you may remember that you used to love walking in the woods beneath shady trees, or looking at the night skies, or watching waves crash on a beach, or when did you last visit your church or faith group or even just feel grateful for being alive? There are so many ways to connect, to the world around us and ultimately to ourselves and each other.
The working relationship between us is a safe one, contained within the boundaries of a counsellor/client collaboration. Through this relationship we explore the most important relationship that you will ever have, which is the relationship with yourself. This includes how you see yourself, how you love and value yourself, how you celebrate who you are and what you have to give, how you treat yourself and how you allow yourself to be treated. This relationship as the one you take into all other interactions in your life. So, let’s get to know you, who you are and why, and find the best you in there.
I work with people from all walks of life and backgrounds (adult individuals, not couples or children under 18yrs), coming to me with a diverse range of life issues. Your experiences are unique to you - no-one else has seen them or felt them like you have. However, recognising that others may have gone through something similar, in their own way, can help remind you that you are not alone and that you, too, can recover and move forward. I work with adults over 18yrs, inclusive to all backgrounds, faiths and gender identities.
Sometimes people avoid change because they fear the unknown. It is ‘easier’ to stay stuck because anything different is unfamiliar, and that feels scary. The fear of change can make it challenging to pursue your goals or make changes in your life. A little fear of change is normal, it is hardwired into our brains, sometimes to keep us safe. But excessive fear can be a sign of a deeper problem that can be limiting and cause severe problems in your health and lifestyle. If you feel like your fear of change is holding you back, there are strategies that can help, such as journaling, meditation, social support, creating vision boards, and setting short- and long-term goals. And if you're still struggling, therapy can help you build a more adaptable mindset that embraces (instead of fears) change.
How can you recognize if you have a fear of change? Some of these signs include:
You feel stuck or unhappy in a situation yet avoid creating positive change
You stay in a failing relationship despite wanting to leave
Your career or job is unsatisfactory but you stay
You have extreme anxiety over what is going to happen in your future
You have an inability to accept life changes that are within or outside of your control
You refuse to stray from an everyday routine because you're uncertain of what will happen if you don't stick to it
You reject invitations to events, celebrations, family, or friends homes
You frequently feel shaky, sweaty or nauseous when you think about change
Some negative consequences from a fear of change can be;
Depression, anxiety, isolation, avoidance, stress, substance use disorders, staying in unhealthy environments, staying in toxic relationships and suicidal ideation. This can lead to avoidance of going to school or work, avoiding
relationships, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of hopelessness, lack of motivation, loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy.
Talking with a trained professional can help to identify limiting beliefs and can help you focus on making healthy life changes. This link may help with taking the necessary steps to create healthy change in your
life; https://www.verywellmind.com/the-stages-of-change-2794868
In counselling, there are question I would encourage you to explore to get to the root cause of the fear of change. These may include;
When have you experienced a change that ended badly for you?
When has something changed and it actually went well or had a good outcome?
What is your belief in yourself to be able to withstand change and be ok?
Who or what is relying on you not making changes that are needed?
Are you pleasing yourself or other people by not making changes?
What could be the risks or pay-offs of making a change?
What could the cost be to you if nothing changes and things go on as they are? What effect might that have on you?
Do you know who you are? What you are about? What it is you want in life? Or do you feel like you have lost your own voice, the ability to know what you like or want and actually be able to ask for it? Perhaps you have started to question your choices, you don’t feel happy now but you aren’t sure where you want to go either. It may make you start to question your partner, your job, the way you live your life in general.
These are questions that many people face at some point. They are questions that you want answers to, which is entirely natural because they cut to the heart of human existence, what it means to be here and what are you doing with the one change at life that you have. Whilst it is natural for our identity, our values and our wants in life to shift over time, sometimes the shift happens when we aren’t looking. We may be so ‘head down’ moving on a certain path or focussed on the day-to-day to-do list that we miss the shift entirely. This means that we can look up one-day and not really recognise ourselves anymore. This sense of being lost and not being able to find a way
forward is a common issue bought to therapy and can cause a lot of distress.
Signs you are feeling lost;
What am I doing with my life? Am I even happy? What do I actually want?
Feeling lost can look like:
Needing others to validate you and placing too much importance on other people’s opinions, feelings and beliefs to dictate what you do.
Feeling powerless or like you have lost your own voice.
Losing interest or joy in things you used to care about or enjoy.
Not knowing what you like anymore and struggling to assert preferences.
Losing sight of what you need and neglecting your self-care.
Frequent self-criticism
Considering big changes like career or relationships without knowing what is causing the unhappiness or what you want instead.
How/why do we lose ourselves?
As humans we are complex and multifaceted beings. We are not simply one thing. There are many parts of us but so often, stages in our life can mean that one (or a few) parts become the focus to such an extent that it can eclipse all the others. Work, parenting, relationships or being a carer are all common examples. It is not unusual to go on like this for years before we recognise a problem. The trigger can come because of a sudden change like the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, our health or a loved one or our children leaving home. However, it can also be a gradual creep of acknowledgement that we are unhappy, that we no longer feel like ourselves. We don’t recognise the less dominant parts of us because they have been sidelined for so long and we struggle to remember what we are all about. What do I even like anymore?
Sometimes the way we have been living has been driven by anxiety or fear. We have prioritised certain things or focussed on achieving in order to prove ourselves - so we can feel good enough - and then one day we realise we don’t even want what we have been striving so hard for and we aren’t sure where that leaves us. Many people find that they chose their career because it was expected by their parents or because the type of job is aspirational at it would make them feel enough. Many people have always worked for the next promotion but don’t actually enjoy the roles they are striving for. If we have been motivated by other people’s expectations or pushed forward by fear it can be very alien to work out what it is that YOU are all about.
What to do - How to find yourself again
If you have felt propelled, dragged or simply stuck on a particular course in life, this can be the opportunity to make an active, conscious choice. This can be quite scary. Where do I start? How do I figure out what I want? Does it mean I have to quit my job? Leave my partner? Do I have to make big changes? The answer is no not necessarily. For some people that may be what they need but it is in no way a forgone conclusion. Often what we need is to redefine our relationships and our role in them in order to find ourselves again.
1. Get to know where you are right now - without judgement. Imagine you are out driving and you got lost, you would probably flick on the sat nav and the first thing it would need to do is detect your location now, where you are starting from. This is exactly what you need to do first too. Try to tune into how you are feeling, what your thoughts are, what you are experiencing in your body (sensations etc). This is you now. Keep track of these things for a week or so and see what you find. If you are feeling lost it is often the case that you have been living on auto pilot for so long that you have tuned out these things. You might be surprised by what you find, you might not. You might like what you find, you might not. Whatever it reveals try not to judge yourself. This is your starting point.
2. Set some boundaries. If you have become lost because so much of you has been given over to doing things for others, keeping people happy or simply keeping the ship afloat it is time to set some boundaries with your time and attention and carve some out for yourself. Delegate some tasks to others, start saying no, put yourself firmly back on the to-do list.
3. Let go of criticism. This will keep you stuck focussed on what has happened, who is at fault, why you are where you are. It won’t help you move forward effectively. When we are feeling lost we need care and kindness to find our way through, not judgement and criticism.
4. Reflect on your influences & choices. Take a little time to consider where your expectations about life have come from and what has influenced your choices? We are all influenced to some degree by those around us - sometimes in a positive way and sometimes in a more controlling way. Consider how other people’s expectations have impacted on what you have done or how you have been? What are you looking to keep and what would you like to let go of?
5. Consider your values. These are not goals, they are qualities, how you want to be with yourself and the people around you. What kind of person do you want to be, how would you like others to experience you? Even if this is far away from where you are now that’s ok. This is where you want to go, what kind of person you want to be.
6. Try some new things. Set yourself a task to do something new and see what you enjoy. Dedicate some time to finding out what floats your boat. See what you are drawn to and what brings you joy. This not only gets us
out of auto-pilot but allows us to a) Start actively prioritising ourself and our happiness for a period of time (even if it is small) and b) discover things about ourself. This can be anything from music, experiences, places, activities, clothes, food, exercise, people, holidays etc.
Finding yourself again (or perhaps for the first time) can take time and can be a little daunting. However, it can also be a really great opportunity. If you start to discover things that are difficult or you find yourself getting stuck it can be a good time to seek support so that I can help you along the way.
(from hello@em-cp.co.uk)
Going to therapy is one of the most important decisions you can make for yourself. Your sessions allow you to explore who you are, better understand your habits and coping techniques, unpack past events and traumas,
and create new pathways of behaviour. Attending therapy is a clear sign that you’re committed to leading your life with a healthier and happier mindset. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all timeline that applies to everyone. However, you can begin seeing the positive effects of therapy from your very first session.
You might feel a huge sense of relief because you’ve connected with someone who hears, sees, and understands you. You may immediately begin to feel more hopeful and less alone. You may feel relief at having got something off your chest or reassured that you have found a therapist you feel comfortable with and that the process has started. You may feel excited or hopeful because this is the first step to reach your goal, or nervous because you’re not sure how the process will go. You may feel unburdened of heavy or difficult emotions, or fearful of letting them out because they may hurt. You may feel worried about crying in front of someone or longing to feel
that it’s ok to cry and not be judged.
For some people it can take more time to experience the positive impacts of therapy. The first few sessions can be overwhelming since you’re opening up to someone new and talking about things that may not be easy. You may even feel slightly worse afterward, particularly if you’re uncovering painful experiences.
It’s human nature to resist change because it’s hard and profoundly uncomfortable, but a therapist can help guide you through to accomplish your goals. Once you’re able to work past that discomfort and settle into your therapy session, you should begin seeing small benefits and eventually bigger changes in your day-to-day life, relationships, and mental well-being. It takes incredible courage to face fears and feelings, so if you are feeling this way, lean into it and share with me so I can empathise and give you the support and guidance you need.
There may be scenarios when your therapist isn’t an ideal fit. This is completely normal, and therapists also understand that not every client is going to be a fit. If you’ve attended a few sessions and still feel that way, I would encourage you to let me know how you are feeling and I will support you in finding an alternative therapist.
You can begin seeing subtle signs of therapy working as quickly as your first session. Often, though, it can take at least a few sessions to reap the rewards. Some find that they only need a few months of therapy while others prefer to make therapy an ongoing practice. Whatever the case, remain proud of the fact that you made a deliberate commitment to your personal growth.
(https://www.verywellmind.com/how-long-does-it-take-for-therapy-to-work-6834455)
It is completely normal to cry in therapy.
People often feel uncomfortable crying in therapy due to fear of being vulnerable, a belief that they need to be strong or concerns about being judged. Some reasons people cry in therapy include; releasing pent up emotions; feeling supported in a healthy and caring therapeutic relationship; the release of vulnerability; valuing having some time away from everyone and everything else just for yourself, and a sign of deepened connection with yourself and/or with your therapist.
Crying is completely normal within the counselling process. Crying is a common and natural response to emotional pain or distress. While it can be uncomfortable or embarrassing to cry in front of others, it's important to know that crying in therapy is not only okay but can actually be a sign of progress and healing.
Here are some reasons why someone might not want to cry in therapy
Fear of being vulnerable. It’s scary to show intimate parts of ourselves to another person.
Negative family and cultural beliefs about crying. Sometimes crying is seen as a weakness and something to be ashamed of.
Fear that once you start crying, you won’t be able to stop.
Concerns about being judged. Will your therapist judge you or see you differently if you cry in therapy?
Fear that the therapist won’t be able to handle intense emotions. Are these emotions too much? Are you too much?
There are many reasons why you may may cry once, twice or during every therapy session. Often therapy involved bring up difficult topics or exploring painful events that you’ve been trying to ignore or shove down. These conversations can bring up a lot of intense emotions - that’s actually a good thing. Below are five reasons you may cry in therapy.
1. The therapeutic relationship.
There is no relationship like the relationship between a client and counsellor. In your everyday life, you are inundated by other people's opinions about everything you do and don’t do. You face societal pressures dictating how you should think, feel and behave. Within the safety of the therapeutic relationship, there isn't judgement or expectation. There is a freedom that comes with this acceptance - with that freedom, tears may also come. Your therapist is available to support you and help you heal, and when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with them, it can deepen the sense of trust and connection between you.
2. Releasing build up emotions.
Think about all of the things you carry around on any given day… pressures to be the perfect parent, friend, partner and employee. You are constantly making sure you are conducting yourself appropriately, assessing situations in order to effectively problem solve, and juggling multiple tasks flawlessly. Your ‘game face’ is on all day, every day. All of this gets heavy to pack around. When you get into a safe place, with a person with whom you've built trust, you are free to let go of some of that weight. Part of unpacking that emotional energy may emerge in the form of tears. For that one hour, you don't have to be 'everything to everyone' - you just get to be you.
3. Expressing vulnerability.
Crying in front of someone else can be scary, but it can also a way to be seen and understood. Being truly seen by another person (your therapist) is healing in and of itself. It can also help your therapist to better understand your experiences and perspectives which will in turn guide therapy by allowing the counsellor to tailor interventions to your unique needs.
4. A time for self reflection.
There are very few moments in your daily life when you are able to stop and really take a look at yourself. As mentioned above, the therapeutic relationship allows you to take a look at yourself in a very honest
way. When defences are down, all kinds of things can bubble to the surface… fear, anger, guilt, pride. Sometimes the stuff that bubbles to the surface comes out in the form of tears.
5. Crying can be a sign of progress in therapy.
When you are working through difficult emotions or past traumas, it's not uncommon to experience intense feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration. Crying can be a sign that you're moving forward in therapy and that you're starting to confront and process those difficult emotions. It's important to remember that therapy is a journey, and it's okay to experience ups and downs along the way. Therapy is a safe and supportive space.
Finally, crying in therapy is a completely normal. Easier said than done but try not to be afraid to let your emotions out. Crying may just be the most powerful step towards healing and growth.
What other reactions are normal in therapy?
It is also completely normal to NOT cry in therapy. In fact, in addition to shedding tears, it is completely normal for people to... shout, swear or become silent as they process through thoughts and emotions. When it comes down to it, whatever reactions you have throughout the therapeutic process are valid and acceptable.
(https://www.rbcounseling.com/therapy-blog-anxiety-counseling-spokane/2017/6/12/why-do-people-cry-during-a-therapy-session)
Stress is a natural part of life. Good stress (a reasonable amount of adrenaline, feelings of excitement or anticipation) can be motivating and help you achieve goals or work towards something that needs to be done. Bad stress however (too much adrenaline or cortisol the stress hormone) can be too much for the body to handle, can cause problems and create unpleasant symptoms.
Physical symptoms include headaches or dizziness, muscle tension or pain, stomach problems, chest pain or a faster heartbeat, sexual problems
Mental symptoms may include difficulty concentrating, struggling to make decisions, feeling overwhelmed, constantly worrying, being forgetful
Changes in behaviour may include being irritable and snappy, sleeping too much or too little, eating too much or too little, avoiding certain places or people, drinking or smoking more.
Most people feel stressed sometimes but if stress is affecting your life, there are things you can try that may help. Counselling can help by looking at ways to manage the signs and symptoms of stress, then looking at the causes and if any changes need to be made in other areas of life. Working through this with my support as a trained counsellor can help you build ways to cope and make improvements to your mental and physical health or quality of life.
(https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/stress/)
Empty nesting (sending your adult kids off into the great big world) isn’t a formal psychiatric term, but it is a real thing. It can be sad, lonely and scary—but it can also signal a new time in your life. It’s important for mothers, fathers and all caregivers to feel supported, learn healthy coping skills, participate in self-care routines, and remember you are not alone.
Here are some dangers that can come with empty nestin;
Experiencing a profound sense of loss, loss of the routines of parenting, loss of their company, loss of the reassurance that they are home and safe.
Depression. When the sadness and loneliness continues long after you child has left home, it may be time to ask for help.
You may be feeling disconnected, exhausted and heavy; feeling empty, despondent, and dissociated when alone; intense fear of sharing your emotional side and true self; feeling like you are no longer wanted or needed.
Alcoholism. Empty nesters can easily fall into a life of alcoholism due to over drinking because of that immense feeling of freedom or the deep feeling of loneliness. Finding yourself using alcohol, drugs, and even workaholism to manage the sensation of deep emptiness is a dangerous place to be.
Identity Crisis. Taking care of kids for long extended periods of time can sometimes lead to “losing ourselves”, forgetting who we actually are. Care-taking can cause a person to become someone they are not and even find themselves in relationship with people who don’t fulfil their needs. In some cases, empty nesters will find themselves in a place of feeling they don’t belong.
Marital Crisis. Couples may find themselves in a place of not-knowing their spouses as well. Years of care-taking kids and being in a state of letting their world revolve around the comings and goings of their children can cause a sense of imbalance in the marriage. One spouse may have felt unwanted and unloved while the kids were still at home, then when kids leave home the other spouse feels unwanted and unloved. Letting our lives revolve around our children can lead to anger, jealousy, resentment, loneliness, etc. Then, when the empty nest years come, couples don’t know how to move forward and past the damage that has already occurred.
Once they have left, now what?
Now could be a good time to have some counselling to explore some of the questions that this phase in life might give you;
What is my identity when I am not parenting full-time?
How do I find a new purpose and structure to my day?
I haven’t work for years, or on and off. What do I even want to do?
I value my partner bringing home a salary. Part of me resents that they have a career and I don’t
Or… I worked while parenting. Now I want to take some time for myself. How do I do that and still pay the bills?
What has been put on-hold while family life has been busy.
What hobbies, interests, people do I want to reconnect with?
What does this mean for my relationship?
What are the expectations of duties at home now the kids aren’t there?
Do me and my partner still want the same things out of life?
How do I want the next stage of my life/retirement to be?
The way I would work with this is to encourage you to explore all these questions within the safety of the counselling session. There are no judgements about what you should or shouldn’t do. A listening ear with reflections back to you so that you can hear yourself out loud and can process how you are experiencing this stage in your life can help emotions and ideas come to the surface. I would encourage you to reflect on times in your life when you felt most connected and fulfilled, what were your strengths and skills then and which ones are still with you or which new ones could be developed to take you through this next phase?
An important part of my role is to create a safe space so that you can develop trust, open up, and share what you need to. I take this responsibility seriously and will not discuss what you share with me with anyone else unless I am required to do so either ethically or legally. As a Senior Accredited Member of the main governing body for counselling in the UK, the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy), I adhere to a professional code of ethics which includes strict rules about confidentiality.
I am here and ready to listen, with warmth, caring and without judgement. We work safely towards finding a narrative for your experiences so that we can work with them and lessen their impact. You do not need to be concerned about me by editing what you say, which may help you just say it and 'get it out'. It is important that you know I have the training, experience and resilience to hear what you have to say without being ‘floored’
by it. I have the capacity to hear difficult material and not to shy away from that.
As all therapists do, I meet regularly with my own clinical supervisor to make sure I am working in your best interests, am continuing my professional development and can work effectively with you so that you get what you need from your time in counselling with me.
I will explain this more fully when we meet and it is in our counselling agreement so it is clear.
Each session is 50 minutes. Fees are £75 per session. I offer a free introductory 20-minute call to talk about what you need, how I can help, to ask any questions you may have and to see if I am the right therapist for you. If you feel I am the right fit, we can arrange a first session.
This may be a helpful way to think about counselling relating to the cost… the fees represent an investment in yourself to receive support to make positive changes to your life. What is NOT addressing the issues costing you? In terms of stress, effort trying to avoid or suppress them, holding onto negative feelings or the cost to relationships and peace of mind? Investing in counselling can help you get more value out of life and stop spending so much time and energy trying to compensate for things that are having a detrimental impact. Can you afford NOT to do this? What effect would the cost of inaction have on different areas of your life?
We can meet and work together as long as we both feel it is helpful, whether that is for a few sessions, a few weeks, months or years. We work towards goals and improvements in your life and everyone has different factors to take into account. Some of these factors may be the nature of the issues you are bringing to therapy, how much time, energy and cost you can commit, and the type of therapy that you have. Short-term therapy may be for a period of 6-12 sessions, and longer-term therapy can be more open-ended. We will build reviews into our work together, so we know where we are and make sure you are getting what you need.
It’s important to keep in mind that, in most cases, therapy is not meant to be forever. It should be used to help you develop the tools, skills, and techniques you need to regulate yourself effectively, cope in healthy manners, and independently manage your feelings around life’s ups and downs.
A successful therapeutic experience teaches you how to become an expert in your own wellbeing. This allows you to navigate daily life on your own versus relying solely on professional support. A good therapist knows when their job is done.
Yes. I am a recognised healthcare professional providing counselling services for major UK and International health insurance companies. I am registered with these Insurance Providers; AXA, Allianz, Aviva, BUPA, WPA, Vitality. Please ask about fees as these are slightly different to account for necessary admin and invoicing. Please let me know the pre-authorisation code from your insurer so I can invoice them directly.
Yes, I work online via Zoom (using a password protected link), WhatsApp or FaceTime. Working online is a highly effective way of engaging in counselling, with good results, from wherever you are in the UK or overseas.
The ever-evolving world around us has led to technology playing an integral role in how we lead our lives. With the rise of digital healthcare having accelerated in recent times, it’s now common to undergo routine GP check-ups via Zoom, make medical appointments and pick up prescriptions through an online app, and receive mental healthcare remotely.
Advancements in video calling and mobile connectivity makes therapy accessible online, giving you an alternative to traditional face-to-face talking therapies. It’s a highly effective solution for treating mental health conditions, with many unique advantages.
Thanks to its flexibility and ease of access, online therapy isn’t just for people at ‘rock bottom’. It can be very effective if you simply want to talk about things in your life that may have been worrying or bothering you. It can also help you to learn some new coping techniques to deal with things going on in your life.
What are the benefits of online therapy?
Convenient and flexible
Online therapy means you don’t have to travel anywhere to get the help you need, saving you time and money. This is also helpful if your mental health, mobility or other issues make it difficult to leave the house, or if you live in a remote area.
Greater availability
With evening and weekend appointments available, you can get the help you need without impacting work, childcare or other weekday-based priorities. You can choose a time that works best for you.
The comfort of home
Online therapy means you can receive support in a place where you feel comfortable and at ease. Being able to sit in your living room with your favourite hot drink, in comfortable clothes, perhaps with a blanket or a pet by your side, can create a peaceful and relaxing setting, which can be therapeutic in itself. This can also make it easier for you to open up about what you’re going through.
Privacy
With online therapy, you don’t have to travel anywhere and you don’t have to worry about encountering anyone in a waiting room or outside the mental health clinic. Your sessions will be conducted in complete privacy, with no risk of bumping into someone you know or being in a space with strangers when you’re feeling vulnerable.
Security
We protect all of your personal information, including your personal details and sensitive information around your health and online therapy sessions.
Are there any disadvantages to online therapy?
While online therapy offers many benefits, it’s important to note that it may not be suitable for everyone. For example, it may not offer the optimum level of support for more acute mental health problems, and it might not be the best platform to deliver certain types of therapy techniques.
How effective is online therapy?
Many studies show that online therapy is highly effective.
A recent study in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders concluded that online cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), is equally impactful as face-to-face CBT.
Another study in the World Journal of Psychiatry found the following:
- Online therapy has the same positive outcomes as face-to-face therapy
- Overall, clients receiving online counselling report being satisfied with their experiences. Many people state that online therapy is easy to use and means they don’t have to travel to appointments
- Mental health assessments made using online therapy are just as reliable as assessments made during face-to-face therapy
(https://www.priorygroup.com/online-therapy/the-benefits-of-online-therapy)
I would like to offer you counselling support online. Please contact me to talk about how we can meet and start to work together to move things forward.
When you get in touch, I will let you know my availability straight away. We can meet as soon as we find a mutually convenient time and arrangements are in place.
Please use the contact form below, or call or email me to arrange a free introductory call and arrange your first session: 07855 033993 / thecounsellingallianceltd@gmail.com
All enquires are answered within 24 hours, Monday to Friday.
All contact is strictly confidential and uses secure phone and email services.
A minimum of 48 hours notice is needed if you need to change or cancel a session, otherwise the full session fee is due. This does not apply to scheduled changes or holidays. This enables me to manage appointments effectively and avoids appointments being unused. Appointments need to be used to achieve the full benefit from counselling. It is important to attend each week as consistency and regularity of sessions provides the best chance of a successful outcome. If I am on holiday, unwell, or it is a bank holiday, there is no charge.
My location
We can meet for sessions online or by telephone. NHS research and numerous studies have found online counselling to be just as effective as visiting a therapist face to face. Many people prefer online counselling because they find it gives them more flexibility and comfort, no travelling and greater control over their environment.
Fees & availability
Fees
Counselling Session: £75 (50 mins plus a Free 20-min introduction)
Supervision Session: £95 (60 mins / £120 - 90 mins)
Insurance
I am a recognised healthcare professional providing counselling services for major UK and international health insurance providers. I am registered with; AXA, Allianz, Aviva, BUPA, WPA, Vitality. Please ask about fees as these are slightly different to account for admin and invoicing, requiring a pre-authorisation code from your insurer so I can invoice them directly.
Emergencies
If you feel as though you’re in crisis with your mental health, there are a number of things you can do to get the urgent help you need:
Dial 111 and select the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional.
Dial 999 or attend your nearest A&E department if:
- You have harmed yourself or another person
- You are worried about keeping yourself or other people safe
- You have or could act on any suicidal thoughts
- You feel out of control
Contact your local 24-hour NHS urgent mental health helpline if:
- You need to speak to a trained mental health professional urgently
- You are experiencing suicidal thoughts but have not acted on them
Make an urgent appointment with your GP if:
- Your mental health is getting worse and you would like to discuss immediate next steps
If you need to talk to someone urgently, call The Samaritans on 116 123 or https://www.samaritans.org (open 24/7).
National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK, call 0800 689 5652 or https://www.spuk.org.uk
999 in case of emergency
Please contact me for support to make positive and long-term changes to your life.
Get in touch
Please contact me if you have any questions or to arrange a free 20 minute consultation. We can talk about what you need, how I can help and to see if you would like us to work together.
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