Counsellors may have received similar training on their route to qualification, but each therapist is an individual person and will have their own personal approach. I can tell you how I am different to other counsellors by answering this question in two ways – professionally and personally. The personal bit is to tell you what I believe, and the professional bit is to tell you how I put that into practice in the way I work. This shows that what I do is consistent with what I believe people need. Here are my five core beliefs;

First, I believe that people grow and develop best when we are connected to other people, in personal or professional relationships or through shared interests or experiences. This need for connection is part of our evolutionary, social make-up. This belief links me to the values of connection and collaboration. The way I work with this is through the important of the working alliance, the relationship between us that is the best predictor for a successful outcome in counselling. This means that when we work together we can achieve more than when we work in isolation, and when we are the right ‘fit’, you will get the most out of it. I offer empathy, non judgement and honesty to develop our relationship so that trust can build and we have a safe basis to work through the

issues you bring to counselling.

Second, I believe it is important to understand how we all relate to other people because this helps us realise the impact we have on them and the impact they have on us. This can be a catalyst for change and growth in our relationships. This links me to the value of relationships. The way I work with this is to see what the relationship between us tells us about how you relate to others in your life (how you respond/react/engage) and to look at where these patterns come from, including which ones work for you and which ones don’t. The reference points for this could be your intimate relationships, or with friends, family parents, siblings, colleagues or any other relationship you have had. I work with this by sharing with you how I may be feeling in response to what you are saying, is it my feeling or yours and where does it come from? For example, if I hear about a difficult experience you have had but there is no emotion attached to it, I would ask you about that and wonder where the feelings are hiding. Or there could be a lot of feelings coming out and we need to allow those to be expressed and also find ways to create emotional regulation and resilience.

Third, I believe that experiencing healthy, meaningful relationships allows us to heal from unhealthy historical relational patterns. This helps us find better ways of relating and gives us a better experience of living. This links me to the value of healing and the importance in reparative relationships. In practice, this means that I offer you a relational experience that is different from other, unhealthy, dysfunctional ones that have caused you harm or upset in the past. When you experience something different, fresh and robust, you can find ways to take this into other relationships to make them more fulfilling, genuine and equal. For example, you might tell me something you did that you don’t feel good about, and be surprised that instead of judging you - which you expected because that’s what others have done, or because you judge yourself - I can empathise with how difficult things must have been for you leading up to that, and ask what have you learned and how can you forgive yourself and move forward, because you need that too. This different relational experience can be healing and transformative.

Fourth, I believe that we need to experience real and genuine human contact and for our unique experience of living to be heard and understood. We need to be loved and accepted by others. This links me to the value of individual uniqueness. In counselling this means accepting you as you are, hearing your story from your point of view, valuing who you are as a person and creating a connection. This could feel like one of those moments when someone just ‘gets’ you, which is so important in life.

Fifth, I believe that self-reflection enables us to know and discover ourselves. Finding personal meaning in our experiences helps develop our self-awareness. This includes embracing the unknown about ourselves and accepting parts we are less comfortable with because they make us human and whole. This links me to the value of spirituality. For some people this may have a faith or religious element, for others it may be a feeling that they are part of something bigger out there, whether that is the universe, or nature, or simply an awareness that there is so much out there that we just don’t know.

The way this can present in counselling is by acknowledging your personal experience of existing in the world. You may feel this as a memory coming back to you that had been buried in your unconscious and now comes into conscious awareness so it can be looked at. Or a ‘lightbulb’ moment of realisation’, or the awareness that there is no-one else you can be in this world except yourself. Or you may remember that you used to love walking in the woods beneath shady trees, or looking at the night skies, or watching waves crash on a beach, or when did you last visit your church or faith group or even just feel grateful for being alive? There are so many ways to connect, to the world around us and ultimately to ourselves and each other.

The working relationship between us is a safe one, contained within the boundaries of a counsellor/client collaboration. Through this relationship we explore the most important relationship that you will ever have, which is the relationship with yourself. This includes how you see yourself, how you love and value yourself, how you celebrate who you are and what you have to give, how you treat yourself and how you allow yourself to be treated. This relationship as the one you take into all other interactions in your life. So, let’s get to know you, who you are and why, and find the best you in there.